In Which I Crawl Out From (the fallout) Beneath my Blankets

So, holidays have come and passed.  The hectic life of the retail employee has died down as people recover from the spending.  My own dread and distaste has gone and so the humdrum life has crept back in.

So, what have I been doing for the past 3 months? Besides working, holidays, being annoyed by family, etc.?  Gaming, of course!  And not just D&D like was mentioned before my disappearance but thanks to a new PC game.

Fallout 4.  Surprise, surprise, I know.  I have a soft spot for Bethesda’s games, and while I like the sword and sorcery of the Elder Scrolls Saga there is a nice charm with Fallout 3 and Fallout 4.  And, again no surprise here, I have begun the foray into taking screenshots galore.  The reactions of companions aren’t as amazingly hilarious as the Mass Effect companions, but I do find the humor there.  They have romantic companions, a term I use loosely because its more like ‘I like you, do you like me? Yes? Cool. We are together.’ Sure you have to be charismatic enough and do enough things for the character to like you, but there is nothing IN GAME other than dialogue to show for it.  Well, you get a perk or two but that’s it!  No hugs.  No smooches.  No wiggly eyebrows and innuendo. Nothing.

Modding community, I am waiting for you to work your magic once the kit comes out (which is taking too damn long).

Other than screenshots I have tumbled down the family hole of the internet that contains fandom workings, mainly fanfiction.  Mainly the Fallout Kink Meme site.  I know, I know. Smut galore but there are the fluffy things.  The comforting works.  The friends being dorks and taking on the world. Alternate Universe stories.  But yes, there is smut.  And with this current fandom my only contribution has been 3 pieces of work, two smutty and one smut-adjacent.  I consider it to be a way for my flex my writing abilities.

I do openly admit to people online and to real world friends that I write smut/erotica (word choice depends on the person).  I am, however, VERY reluctant to fork over said pieces, and there are a few, of any erotic work that I have written.  It makes me nervous.  People know that I have a dirty mind and pairing that up with the fact that I have been with Grendal for 10+, there is no doubt that I have done ‘the nasty'(my inner child giggled at that).  Yet for me to hand something to a friend and ask them to read about two characters getting it on in some way, I clam up.  So the anonymity of the internet is my friend.

But yes, I am back.  Nothing other than holidays and gaming has taken place over my absence.  Sad but not much so.  Winter is a time to reflect for me and stay cozy.  Unfortunately this hasn’t really been winter.  I suppose that’s the reason why I have been so pissy.

Backstories For Everyone!

So, Dungeons and Dragons.  We have a game running.  There are quite a few of us, much to Grendal’s (our DM) dismay.  There are 8 of us.  Twice the expected capacity to run a streamlined game.  He has run large games before, he knows he can do it, but some of the players aren’t as proactive as he likes.  Here is the rundown of classes that we have:

1 warlock, 2 rogues, 2 fighters, 1 beastmaster, 1 cleric, 1 alchemist.

It’s been interesting, to say the least.  We aren’t as balanced as we had hoped and then we have the alignments to think of.  Half of us are playing evil aligned characters.  Namely 2 chaotic evil, 1 neutral evil, and 1 lawful evil.  Oddly enough nothing bad has happened!  The cleric either doesn’t know or doesn’t care, and us evil folk haven’t done anything outright evil yet, and believe me when I say two of us have some plans.

Now, one of the things that Grendal wants us as players to do is interact with each other, in character.  He wants us to build our friendships and have fun!  R-o-l-e play rather than r-o-l-l play for a bit.  Last night we succeed!  At least, two of us did and it was more the alchemist and I (warlock) coming up with plans, giggling, and flirting either with each other or the npcs, or the other character we were traveling with.  And through that it seems like a backstory has been created between my character, the alchemist, and one of the rogues.

Nahkt and these two (both male characters played by men) have been friends since, roughly, childhood.  Through idle chitchat it seems that these two have known and accepted Nahkt’s sadomasochistic ways and, on multiple occasions, have been part of them.  One, the rogue, apparently enjoys being tied up and the alchemist enjoys whipping, a la erotic flagellation, and has scaring up and down his back(from what the player reports).  The alchemist and Nahkt have down these on multiple occasions apparently, he has joined Nahkt in doing these things to others, and there has been a time where the two were involved, though it seems not romantically.  Not to mention it sounds like the alchemist has tried to do something with Nahkt’s mother.  Don’t know how that worked out.

Mind you, I usually approach players outside of the game to ask if they want our characters to have some sort of history (romantic or otherwise) and plan together.  These two just went with whatever they wanted and I rolled with it, more so the guy playing the alchemist.  Our characters have dug up dead bodies, robbed graves, he was present when my character broke a knight, is egging me on to try my hand on the cleric, I am helping him with the beastmaster, and we are planning on borrowing some orphans for some alchemical and arcane experiments.

So, you have my lawful evil character and one of the chaotic evil characters in cahoots!  This is the most fun I’ve had in a while.

And of course you have me who is wondering how far I can push this creepy sadomasochistic relationship with these characters.

Bad, PC, bad.

 

What Just Happened?

So, we’ve begun gaming (D&D) and I am playing the character I had mentioned in a previous post.  It’s been two sessions and I only barely got a feel for him.  Then, out of the blue, backstory was being written in my head.  Unbidden!  It didn’t help that I was at work when it struck.  Luckily I grabbed a pen and some paper and jotted down what I could.

It was big thing for me.  Not only am I fleshing out this character even more, but it has been some time since I’ve written ANYTHING.  Writing has always been something I’ve done.  Something that I love to do.

So, if you happen to be curious why not read what is below the cut. It’s just shy of 500 words and is very rough.  Like I said, backstory!  What makes him tick without getting into the nitty gritty with his current companions.

Continue reading

Witches of November and Haunting Dreams

So the past few days here in the Midwest have been windy and chilly. Not to mention we had sudden rain and some amazing lighting. A little out of season and worrisome but beautiful nonetheless. Though, as I heard, not too strange. I mean, common enough to have an interesting name:

Witch of November.

Sounds rather cool to me.

The night before the winds whipped through the state I had an odd dream. If you remember my mentioning I rarely dream, so this was another big thing! In the dream I was getting ready for someone’s arrival. I was giddy and nervous. I was doing things only reserved for special events. Then I woke up.

Now I told Grendal about it and he seemed curious. I told him it may have something to do with Odin. The last dream I had was Odin telling me he would return. Months later not only does this dream happen, the heavy winds showed up on a Wednesday, and we had a large number of crows in the neighborhood just hanging out in the trees near our property. The crows themselves were odd because they were completly absent from the neighborhood during the summer.

I don’t know what’s happening or going to happen, but someone is on their way.

Living Out Some Fantasies

I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, at least on here, that I am a BIG Dungeons and Dragons fan.  I knew of it’s existence in high school, perhaps earlier, and wanted to be part of it.  The problem was, I didn’t know anyone who played.  No one in my circles of friends seemed like the type nor did they even skirt around mentioning it.  It wasn’t until college and when Grendal and I were in our early relationship that I was FINALLY introduced to the game.  I dove in and never looked back.

Dungeons and Dragons has been an excellent vessel for me.  I’ve been able to flex my story telling abilities and was able to make new friends.  Acting was easier for me as I was able to get into different mindsets.  Whole worlds opened up!  I began to write and create such lush worlds and peoples.  I would be doing myself a huge disservice if I didn’t link the game to the majority of my writing, having inspired and influenced me in many ways.

What I had never expected, though, was that this game would be an amazing way to find out about myself.  Not what I would do in certain situations, but who I was.  Yes, my first few characters were off beat and goofy.  Hippy types that would spout flowery type things and go on about the awesomeness that is nature.  While that is a part of who I am, it wasn’t anything new.  The more I read about the game and found new classes, the more I peeled away bits of myself.  While not every portion of myself and my personality is the best, it is interesting to see what is there.

Kanaloa was the first character that I played that I feel like I finished.  I could play her again but there would be little character development and growing.  Her story was told.  Oddly enough, there was so much about her that when I looked back on it I saw myself in the strangest ways.  She was a half aquatic elf which was an odd way to mirror my half Hawai’ian bloodline.  Never really fitting in with her aquatic family and finally having to live with her father and his kind (my parents are happily married but I have never really felt like a part of either family).  She was loyal to a fault to the royal family she worked for, being a companion to one of the princes.  She was a bounty hunter.  A skilled woman, cold to those who didn’t know her but warm to the few she called friends.  Kanaloa was all business and was brash with the ones she cared for.  She never truly let anyone close.

Xyrygosa, the second character I finished.  Again, a half breed (half dwarf and half fire elf) but this time accepted by her families, for the most part.  A temper that was hard to manage once brought forth.  She was small in stature but a powerhouse (while I’m not a powerhouse, I am small and have an awful temper).  She was the unlikely hero of the group and brought forth power when least expected.  Xyrygosa was also the one that led the group to their death because no one questioned us (the character and myself).  I learned, through her, that I had the ability to persuade people if I was confident in my actions.

Ruslan, my third and most recent character to finish.  A human reaching the age in life where adventuring is not much of an option (the ripe old age of 48).  A widower who raised a child and thought of nothing more than to see that his daughter had the best he could offer.  A wounded man, losing his arm in the same incident that took his wife.  While he was, technically, disabled he was still a captain in the city guard and trained new recruits.  He was the power of the group and the most grounded.  Ruslan was someone that I was becoming.  Family oriented, proud, and weary.

Now we’re starting a new game and I begin a new character.  I know this one and I have danced around this portion of my being before.  He (no name just yet) is manipulative.  While he care for others, he sees many of them as a means to an end.  Aloof.  He ridicules people.  He enjoys planting seeds of doubt in unsuspecting people.  He sees no problem in using those around him if it means he won’t have to dirty his hands.  This character is sadistic, hedonistic, and has little reason to deny such things.  He is the smallest portion of my personality, a portion that rarely ever crops up these days, but wants to be seen in some fashion.

I guess this is the place where he can do his thing and nothing ill will come of it.

At least in reality.

We’ll Dream of Many Things

I don’t seem to dream as much as I used to. I don’t have a clear reason as to why. I remember having many strange, frightening dreams as a child. When I heard about dreamcatchers I was excited. Me being 10 or 11 I decided to buy a little dreamcatcher necklace and hang it over my bed. Sure enough the bad dreams seemed to stop. Then again, all my dreams seemed to stop.

This isn’t to say that I don’t dream at all. I do and the dreams have a tendency to be quite random. Grendal, though, is something else entirely.

Grendal is a lucid dreamer. Has been for as long as he can remember. Within the last two years he has been having very random night terrors. He knows, in the dream, when it’s happening because he cannot control them.  They have dealt with recently dead family members and strange spirits. Some how I manage to wake up before he begins screaming/moaning/shouting. It frightens me to no end and we usually lay in bed together, him holding me while we both calm down and he makes sense of it all.

He had a dream the other night. One he couldn’t really control but it wasn’t a night terror. He described it, roughly, as this:

We were running down our old street. For some reason we were living with my parents again. Anyway, we were running down the street to the house and the trees were electrified. Arcs of lightning between branches, jumping across the street. Flowers were lighting up like christmas lights.

I was freaking out but you couldn’t see any of it. You were getting so upset. I tried pointing it out but you only saw trees.

We finally get in and go to our old room.  I find an outfit made up of a white, sleeveless tunic and black pants with metal threading.

I thought about that dream for only a short time when something cropped up in the back of my mind. Thor.  I have always thought and told Grendal as much only recently, that if he ever really ventured down the Heathen path he could very easily become a Thorsman. He has always liked Thor’s imagery, symbology, and has an odd connection with goats.  This dream had also occurred the same day he tried crafting a bow for me. While it has never been stated in lore (as far as I can tell) both of us have associated Thor with crafting weapons and, well, blacksmithing.

So Grendal is thinking of an offering to place out for Thor and we have discussed dedicating his forge and workshop to both Thor and dwarves.

Things are gonna get interesting.