Slowly but Surely

Things are getting better. For a while nothing good not bad seemed to be happening in my circle of being. Just the same ol’ routine.  Then the bad things rolled in:

My older sister and brother-in-law filed for divorce, a friend is in the same boat with his wife, Divo joined me at my workplace only to quit due to poor management, I was in line to be trained as a manager but was passed over, my grandfather passed away, and a friend moved in and has been without a job for over a month.  We’ve been stressed due to that.

It changed this past week. I had put in an application a month ago at a rehabilitation center to work in their kitchen. I pretty much forgot about it until I received a call about setting up an interview. I accepted it. The chance to eventually leave my current place of employment was nice. The job, while it paid more, was part time. I took the interview anyway.

On the way to the rehab center a van was following me. I was a little nervous but that’s how I am. I turned, they didn’t. I glanced in the mirror and saw a flash of an image. A man with long hair, a large aged hat to hide a portion of his face, and a staff in one hand.

All I could think of was Odin I took it as a good omen. The interview went well and I placed an offering on the later in thanks and in hopes things would go my way.

I got the job.

I start this afternoon.

Maybe, just maybe, we can breath a little easier.

In Which I Reminisce About Young, Pagan Me

[sorry to the folks who saw this posting before.  it was very far from finished. this is what I get for using multiple devices to post.  also, GIF WARNING!  there are a few here and one were there is lightning/flashing lights. so just a heads up to those who are sensitive.]

I love The Craft. Always have! There was something about the movie that just captured my interest.  I had been in the 6th grade when it came out, not seeing it until it was on television some time later. I have two memories about the movie.  The first was my older sister telling me I couldn’t be a true fan if I didn’t know which actress was Fairuza Balk (she is the same one who said I wouldn’t get a quote from Revenge of the Nerds because “it was before your time”[it was before hers as well]).  The other one was going to a slumber party where we did try Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.

LaaF,SaaB

Sadly, it didn’t work.

What it did end up doing was jump start my journey down the pagan path. That slumber party was the turning point of it all.  Sure we played the game, talked about and watched the movie, but then a few us of TRIED stuff.  Specifically voodoo dolls.  Long story short about that bit in particular, I stay away from it because I nearly hurt myself and obviously didn’t know what the hell I was doing.  I mean, a few young, middle class white girls in the midwest had to business messing with the stuff.

The girl who was hosting the party and I REALLY got into the witch stuff, though.  We picked out ‘code names’ and had a notebook we traded so we could share information.  She checked out the witch books because I couldn’t.  Unfortunately she got caught and, in turn, so did I.  I ended up rediscovering everything, so to speak, only a few years later but she stayed away from what I can recall.

But The Craft was the beginning of it all and set me up with a very romantic version of witchcraft.  The first few seconds alone roped me in.

 

giphy

It was beautiful then and even more so now.

Like I said, I had a romantic view of witchcraft thanks to the movie.  Even now I prefer the movie up to the circle on the beach.  After that, everything goes to shit because Hollywood. Yet it was the scene on the beach that was most powerful and amazing.

beach

I watched the movie only a few days ago and Grendal and myself both agreed that this movie was perfectly fine up to this part.  Like I said, everything after this goes to shit but it’s because of the whole Rule of Three bit.  They stuck with it and made things roll out so everyone got what was coming to them.  Except Sarah, who is the movie’s hero.  Sure, the dude she roped with the love spell got way too creepy and died in the end, but it wasn’t her doing for that.  She never TRULY got what was coming to her and quickly got onto Manon’s good side before shit went down big time.

High School was my re-initiation, so to speak, into paganism.  I found websites, snuck away at the library to read books, and eventually asked to buy one.  I was shot down because my mother freaked out.  She was born and raised in a strict catholic community and while she no longer follows the religion it was very much a part of her still.  I remember printing up a bunch of pages of information about Wicca to show my mother that it wasn’t bad.  It did the trick.  She was still nervous but she finally let me do my thing.

College, though, was where things began.  I remember trolling around our school’s online community and going into the religious board.  Usual fair of stuff.  I loved, and still do, religious debates and discussions.  There was someone on the board looking for anyone interested in paganism.  I shoved aside my shy side and responded.  We chatted for a few minutes before she asked if I was currently on campus, and I said I was.  She wanted to meet up and do a proper introduction and asked where I was.  Turns out we were both in the library.  I was on the main level and she was on the second.  We met and it was amazing. She is still a dear friend to me.  We hit it off right away. Discussed things and connected quickly.  It wasn’t long before we gathered a few other girls on campus that were also interested or practicing pagans (all I still talk with, though the first girl is the only one besides myself who still identifies as pagan).  We quickly had our own little group of five girls.

We had a few circles, we went to a local pagan Halloween ball, supported an amazing local New Age store, celebrated the Holy Days, the works!  While things were going, it was amazing.  We were never able to make ourselves into a school club but it was an amazing time of growth for all of us.  Like most things, though, it ended when life began and people wandered off to different schools or finished there time at the college.

Watching The Craft made me miss those days.  The time that I had a close group and even a small sisterhood of sorts.  I miss it and find myself now part of the bitter old pagan brigade (don’t think that is a thing and I’m not REALLY bitter, it just seemed funny).  I truly want to immerse myself back in my own craft and stretch those muscles once more.  While it’s no longer new and I’m seeing it with world weary eyes, I know that I can reach that spot again.

I’ve gone through this many times before.  Times where I go to rediscover things but always end up in the same spot.  This time, though, I can reach that happy medium.  I have Grendal to help me along the way if I stumble.

It will be glorious.

Back to Nature

Life around here hasn’t been too exciting.  I don’t know why.  Though, oddly enough, I found myself in a rather happy mood these past three days.  Maybe it’s the warm weather.  Maybe it’s a break in my depression.  Who knows!  What I do know is that Grendal, Divo, and I went out to a farm today to help out and see the animals.  It was wonderful to get out.  Also turns out that this is the farm’s biggest year in shares and their new sustainable shares……and that Grendal is their ONLY help this year.  I’ve decided to volunteer because this family was awesome to us last year and it only seems right.

Anywho, as per usual I have a few pictures.  Nothing spectacular.  Just random shots off the phone.  Which will be beneath the cut.

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In Which I Crawl Out From (the fallout) Beneath my Blankets

So, holidays have come and passed.  The hectic life of the retail employee has died down as people recover from the spending.  My own dread and distaste has gone and so the humdrum life has crept back in.

So, what have I been doing for the past 3 months? Besides working, holidays, being annoyed by family, etc.?  Gaming, of course!  And not just D&D like was mentioned before my disappearance but thanks to a new PC game.

Fallout 4.  Surprise, surprise, I know.  I have a soft spot for Bethesda’s games, and while I like the sword and sorcery of the Elder Scrolls Saga there is a nice charm with Fallout 3 and Fallout 4.  And, again no surprise here, I have begun the foray into taking screenshots galore.  The reactions of companions aren’t as amazingly hilarious as the Mass Effect companions, but I do find the humor there.  They have romantic companions, a term I use loosely because its more like ‘I like you, do you like me? Yes? Cool. We are together.’ Sure you have to be charismatic enough and do enough things for the character to like you, but there is nothing IN GAME other than dialogue to show for it.  Well, you get a perk or two but that’s it!  No hugs.  No smooches.  No wiggly eyebrows and innuendo. Nothing.

Modding community, I am waiting for you to work your magic once the kit comes out (which is taking too damn long).

Other than screenshots I have tumbled down the family hole of the internet that contains fandom workings, mainly fanfiction.  Mainly the Fallout Kink Meme site.  I know, I know. Smut galore but there are the fluffy things.  The comforting works.  The friends being dorks and taking on the world. Alternate Universe stories.  But yes, there is smut.  And with this current fandom my only contribution has been 3 pieces of work, two smutty and one smut-adjacent.  I consider it to be a way for my flex my writing abilities.

I do openly admit to people online and to real world friends that I write smut/erotica (word choice depends on the person).  I am, however, VERY reluctant to fork over said pieces, and there are a few, of any erotic work that I have written.  It makes me nervous.  People know that I have a dirty mind and pairing that up with the fact that I have been with Grendal for 10+, there is no doubt that I have done ‘the nasty'(my inner child giggled at that).  Yet for me to hand something to a friend and ask them to read about two characters getting it on in some way, I clam up.  So the anonymity of the internet is my friend.

But yes, I am back.  Nothing other than holidays and gaming has taken place over my absence.  Sad but not much so.  Winter is a time to reflect for me and stay cozy.  Unfortunately this hasn’t really been winter.  I suppose that’s the reason why I have been so pissy.

Backstories For Everyone!

So, Dungeons and Dragons.  We have a game running.  There are quite a few of us, much to Grendal’s (our DM) dismay.  There are 8 of us.  Twice the expected capacity to run a streamlined game.  He has run large games before, he knows he can do it, but some of the players aren’t as proactive as he likes.  Here is the rundown of classes that we have:

1 warlock, 2 rogues, 2 fighters, 1 beastmaster, 1 cleric, 1 alchemist.

It’s been interesting, to say the least.  We aren’t as balanced as we had hoped and then we have the alignments to think of.  Half of us are playing evil aligned characters.  Namely 2 chaotic evil, 1 neutral evil, and 1 lawful evil.  Oddly enough nothing bad has happened!  The cleric either doesn’t know or doesn’t care, and us evil folk haven’t done anything outright evil yet, and believe me when I say two of us have some plans.

Now, one of the things that Grendal wants us as players to do is interact with each other, in character.  He wants us to build our friendships and have fun!  R-o-l-e play rather than r-o-l-l play for a bit.  Last night we succeed!  At least, two of us did and it was more the alchemist and I (warlock) coming up with plans, giggling, and flirting either with each other or the npcs, or the other character we were traveling with.  And through that it seems like a backstory has been created between my character, the alchemist, and one of the rogues.

Nahkt and these two (both male characters played by men) have been friends since, roughly, childhood.  Through idle chitchat it seems that these two have known and accepted Nahkt’s sadomasochistic ways and, on multiple occasions, have been part of them.  One, the rogue, apparently enjoys being tied up and the alchemist enjoys whipping, a la erotic flagellation, and has scaring up and down his back(from what the player reports).  The alchemist and Nahkt have down these on multiple occasions apparently, he has joined Nahkt in doing these things to others, and there has been a time where the two were involved, though it seems not romantically.  Not to mention it sounds like the alchemist has tried to do something with Nahkt’s mother.  Don’t know how that worked out.

Mind you, I usually approach players outside of the game to ask if they want our characters to have some sort of history (romantic or otherwise) and plan together.  These two just went with whatever they wanted and I rolled with it, more so the guy playing the alchemist.  Our characters have dug up dead bodies, robbed graves, he was present when my character broke a knight, is egging me on to try my hand on the cleric, I am helping him with the beastmaster, and we are planning on borrowing some orphans for some alchemical and arcane experiments.

So, you have my lawful evil character and one of the chaotic evil characters in cahoots!  This is the most fun I’ve had in a while.

And of course you have me who is wondering how far I can push this creepy sadomasochistic relationship with these characters.

Bad, PC, bad.

 

What Just Happened?

So, we’ve begun gaming (D&D) and I am playing the character I had mentioned in a previous post.  It’s been two sessions and I only barely got a feel for him.  Then, out of the blue, backstory was being written in my head.  Unbidden!  It didn’t help that I was at work when it struck.  Luckily I grabbed a pen and some paper and jotted down what I could.

It was big thing for me.  Not only am I fleshing out this character even more, but it has been some time since I’ve written ANYTHING.  Writing has always been something I’ve done.  Something that I love to do.

So, if you happen to be curious why not read what is below the cut. It’s just shy of 500 words and is very rough.  Like I said, backstory!  What makes him tick without getting into the nitty gritty with his current companions.

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