I don’t like wishing ill on anyone. I can pinpoint the first time I ever felt like that. I believe it was 2003, and I had broken up with my first boyfriend. We had spent three years together, which was pretty much my entire high school time. We had talked about getting an apartment together, even marriage was danced around. I had a promise ring to prove it.
I went to college and met knew peoole. People who weren’t friends with him and he didn’t know existed. I even had male friends. That was when things started to get a little more clear. I broke it off over the phone. He wasn’t happy. He cried and I sat there. I think I felt bad but I don’t remember.
From the get go he was angry and I wasn’t surprised. We worked the same job, similar shifts, so we saw each other. He tried to get me mad, tried to piss me off. It never worked. I smiled and wished him the best in life, even after he and another coworker handed my number to a random customer. In the end our relationship came to a neutral spot. We were okay by the time I left the job. Not friends, but okay.
It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized the relationship was an abusive one. Not physically. I could have ripped him apart. It was emotional and partially mental. Grendal has helped me. He is the only one to know about it. I still freak out over little thing. I panic if I see someone who looks like him.
My spiritual path is what set me up to let things roll off me. I started off on a neo-wiccan path and have ended up in the Heathen society. One thing that stuck with me was the “harm none” bit. It evolved in to more of a think positive of others because you are bound to harm someone in one way or another.
But let me tell you, staying that way is hard. I do have anger issues when I get passionate, but thankfully Grendal is here to keep me grounded.