In Which I Refuse to Leave Middle Earth

It’s weird. I listen to my coworkers talk about how Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies were huge part of their childhood and I get confused. That is when I remind myself that there is at least a 9 year difference between myself and most of them.

The Fellowship of the Ring was released my senior year of high school. I saw it on a whim. It was after a winter performance for our madrigal group and a group of us were out eating, in costume no less. We wanted to see a movie and someone suggested The Lord of the Rings. We went. It had already started. I don’t remember what part it was but we were there. I do remember seeing Elrond and whispering to my friend, “Agent Smith decided to go into an RPG”. They laughed. I also remember wondering when the movie was going to end moments before it did. I was in awe. We were asked if we had dressed up for the showing.

I was hooked. I don’t know what about the series did it for me but I was in love. I read the books soon after, read up on Tolkien, found out about the history of it all, delved into the history. The trailers excited me. I couldn’t wait for more. The battles, the heart break. Listening to others get excited about this scene or that battle. Lord of the Rings was a modern epic I had to see before I knew it existed. While it saddened me I hadn’t read the series when I was younger, I was desperate to catch up.

I have become a huge fan, if you couldn’t tell. For coming into the fandom a little late I have reached a point where I am comfortable with. There is much for me to learn but I am content with my pace .

Now it is time that I touch on my original point for this post: Battle of Five Armies. So, if you haven’t watched it don’t look under the cut. Though, I do suppose it doesn’t matter if you look at it if you have read the book. You know the gist of what happens.

Read ahead for personal opinions and slight ranting.

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To Quote Daria



When the typical person thinks about a little girl and her potential toy they probably get the image of a baby doll.  Cute little kid running around with a doll that goes everywhere with her.  Tea parties, dress up, doctor, house.  The usual thing for a young one.  Dreams of being a mommy and raising kids, making a friend being the father.

Me?  I don’t remember baby dolls.  I think they were there but I don’t remember dragging them with me.  I played with the TMNT figures with a younger neighbor kid, Godzilla too.  I remember being upset that I had to be Maid Marion while playing Robin Hood (I wanted to be Robin Hood’s sister, who did the same stuff he did).  My Barbie didn’t want to marry Ken and would routinely jump off the top bunk on her wedding day, usually to her death but there were occasions that her huge dress would act like a parachute and she would land safely.  Of course she would have to marry Ken then but she was NOT happy about it.  Then there were my My Little Pony toys that went on cross living room excursions, making the perilous journey through the snow that graced our fireplace mantle during the holiday season.

I think the reason for the odd things I did and played out was thanks to the fact that I lost 60-70% of my hearing as a child.  I tended to stay in my own imagination and let things run wild.

Oh!  Most of my hearing is back.  Still go off in my own world but we’re safely grounded.

Back to the point.  Kids!  Children.  Those little people usually have dreams of becoming parents and raising little ones of their own.  They have that urge.  Whether it is through pressure, their own want, hormones, what have you!  It is there.

Except for me.  I don’t remember wanting kids when I was a kid.  I wanted to be left alone.  I didn’t like the screaming, the crying, and the fact that they couldn’t speak to me.  Not to mention they had an odd smell.   There was no interest.  Sure, I went along with the rest of the girls.  I wanted three kids, a husband, and a big house.  I would have an awesome job too, or perhaps I was a work free mother.  That was the way it was supposed to be.

Then I picked out names for kids.  More like names that I really liked and wanted to hang on to.  I did always say that if I had a child their name would be this or that, but I had no drive or urge to make that happen.  I still have those names stored away.  Nowadays I think maybe it was just my writer coming out and just taking names to my memory for safe keeping.  It would also explain the reason why I go through baby name books and sites.  I have the tendency to look at the meaning before settling on a name, and those names are usually pared with characters in stories that never quite make it.

My friends have kids.  Most with one with the second just announced.  Why it seems to happen all at once, I don’t know.  So I get to watch the updates on Facebook about hormones and all that occurs with pregnancy.  I watch as most of them have had a personality shift while others seem to be little changed, or even enhanced by the fact that they are a parent.  It is an odd happening.

I have nieces.  Two from my elder sister and three from Grendal’s family (one from the brother, two from the sister).  I have watched all five grow.  The oldest just turned 13 and the youngest is 6.  I have watched the different parenting methods and how the kids react.  I see some as being better adjusted to the world and the others being too sheltered.  There are the ones that I love to see and get excited to talk to. Then there are the ones where two weeks without seeing them doesn’t seem long enough. This is the first time in my life when I can actually look at a child and think, ‘I don’t like you one bit’. It’s strange but the parent did want us to treat said child like an adult despite the age. You don’t always get the outcome you want.

Something has shifted, though, and I am not sure if I like it.

The thought of a child isn’t as annoying or upsetting. I see more that make me smile, but there are still those that make me cringe. I don’t have “baby fever”. Right now it just seems less of a problem.

Grendal, on the other hand, hasn’t wavered on his stance but he has said the thought doesn’t turn his stomach nearly as much.

When people wish bad upon you (A pep talk about haterz and loverz)


I agree- it is time for me to write something. It’s not that I didn’t want to… But you see, life got in the way. I’m rebuilding my strength, rising from the ashes, so to speak. Life is like this – some people are good for you, and some people are bad for you. No “Hocus Pocus” there, but the trick is to notice what people around you make you feel like. Do they bully you, or talk behind your back? Are your friends really true friends? There are so many vultures out there who just wait for you to fall. We all have those, allright…. This can be draining, feeling these bad vibes just “lurking in the dark”, watching your every step (in case you’ve ever had a stalker – like I’ve had)…Yes, you can kind of feel when others are wishing bad upon you. This is how I work: For every bad wish…

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And Tomorrow

There will be meat!  Meat Friday!  Meat, meat, meat.

No, I don’t do the Meatless Monday thing and I don’t do have any other weird diet.  Neither does Divo and Grendal.  We just didn’t have money to properly fill the fridge when we moved.  So Divo and I get paid tomorrow and we get to run to the grocery store and stock up.  There will finally be more than just remnants of pork and ground beef in the house! We also need a new trash can, and shelves for our dry pantry and we have bills to pay.

Being a “proper” adult sucks.

We knew about the new bills, though, and everything else that would have to go into this whole house thing.  I just get overly paranoid when it comes to our funds and more so now with the whole house thing looming.  We just have to take it easy.  Well, I do.  Grendal is a rock in these situations.

We’ve been on tight funds before and will be again, without a doubt.  I think it feels even worse now because if we screw up I feel like ‘there goes our home’.  The three of us know that we can’t get extravagant things anymore.  And by extravagant I mean video games left and right, BluRay whenever we want, going out to eat, and even those awesome boots I had my eye on since my birthday.  Or that telescope I was going to use my birthday money on, which ended up going towards the inspection on this very house.  It’s all good.  We’ve gone months without buying those things before because we didn’t want to.  Now that we shouldn’t it seems like a huge thing.

I think the biggest thing that we all realized that we have to be careful with is our groceries.  Grendal and I knew had talked about how expensive food was when we were at his parents’ place but now it seems to be even worse.  We know that a lot of our favorites will be gone, but it’s okay!  I can make bread at home for cheap, as can Divo.  We all like our veggies and don’t mind poking around in the discount area for meat.  I have been snagging the sales fliers for grocery stores we will be looking at.  While it may be tough in the beginning, we shall prevail!

This means I must forgo my precious sushi grade rice.

I like my rice.

I grew up on that rice.

Next pay day will Rice Saturday!

Something Happened

It was a big something.

Over this past month Grendal and I went through the process of getting our first home! While it isn’t exactly what we wanted there are many things that we love.

It’s 1,282 square feet, nearly 400 square feet over the footage of a small home blueprint we were looking at. I believe the extra footage comes from the basement, which the blueprints didn’t include. It feels like the perfect fit for Grendal, myself, and Divo(a coworker I have mentioned before). Not to mention the three four-legged kids of ours, soon to be four four-legged kids.

We have moved nearly all of our stuff into the house, save for small items here and there. The animals have adjusted for the most part. Tinker is more leery than the others but she has begun to wander and meow once more. Pippin barely gave a hoot about the move, though he misses having so many people fawning over him. And Yuko? Yuko is ecstatic! She finally has a yard that is fenced in, which means she can be off leash and run around like the hyper pup she is.

Speaking of the yard, it is just under half an acre. It is less than what we wanted but it enough for us right now. Especially when we remove the above ground pool. It has an area for a garden and a compost heap. I plan on taking a better look at the area come warm weather and figuring if needs to be wider than it already is. The front yard is a little small but we have plans for a fruit tree, yew shrubs, and flowers of some sort.

The amazing thing is that one of the previous owners was a metal worker, something Grendal has been wanting to do. The shed in the back yard is set up to handle metal working! Grendal is that much closer to smithing.

This past month has just been amazing. Neither Grendal or I have had much good luck in life, but things seemed to turn around. We have had friends help us in many ways, outpouring of support, and everything has fallen into place. Wash and dryer from a coworker for insanely cheaper. House warming gifts that weren’t expected. It has been wonderful.

While I am shy and nervous about confessing my personal spiritual thoughts in passing I can’t help but say something now. Months ago I had made a silent plea/prayer/thought to the gods. Odin at the forefront but I ‘spoke’ to them all. I expressed my want for a home but the more the need to escape the environment Grendal and I were in. I promised a proper altar inside and an offering area outside for the gods and wights. Nothing happened for some time. I was upset but kept going through what life and the environment had in store for us.

I thought they weren’t there. They didn’t hear me. I always doubt myself and worry about my beliefs. Not that They aren’t there but that there is something odd on my end.

They came through in their own time and we got the home that is perfect for us right now.

Now I have to pull through on my end of the deal.