Living Out Some Fantasies

I don’t know if I have mentioned it before, at least on here, that I am a BIG Dungeons and Dragons fan.  I knew of it’s existence in high school, perhaps earlier, and wanted to be part of it.  The problem was, I didn’t know anyone who played.  No one in my circles of friends seemed like the type nor did they even skirt around mentioning it.  It wasn’t until college and when Grendal and I were in our early relationship that I was FINALLY introduced to the game.  I dove in and never looked back.

Dungeons and Dragons has been an excellent vessel for me.  I’ve been able to flex my story telling abilities and was able to make new friends.  Acting was easier for me as I was able to get into different mindsets.  Whole worlds opened up!  I began to write and create such lush worlds and peoples.  I would be doing myself a huge disservice if I didn’t link the game to the majority of my writing, having inspired and influenced me in many ways.

What I had never expected, though, was that this game would be an amazing way to find out about myself.  Not what I would do in certain situations, but who I was.  Yes, my first few characters were off beat and goofy.  Hippy types that would spout flowery type things and go on about the awesomeness that is nature.  While that is a part of who I am, it wasn’t anything new.  The more I read about the game and found new classes, the more I peeled away bits of myself.  While not every portion of myself and my personality is the best, it is interesting to see what is there.

Kanaloa was the first character that I played that I feel like I finished.  I could play her again but there would be little character development and growing.  Her story was told.  Oddly enough, there was so much about her that when I looked back on it I saw myself in the strangest ways.  She was a half aquatic elf which was an odd way to mirror my half Hawai’ian bloodline.  Never really fitting in with her aquatic family and finally having to live with her father and his kind (my parents are happily married but I have never really felt like a part of either family).  She was loyal to a fault to the royal family she worked for, being a companion to one of the princes.  She was a bounty hunter.  A skilled woman, cold to those who didn’t know her but warm to the few she called friends.  Kanaloa was all business and was brash with the ones she cared for.  She never truly let anyone close.

Xyrygosa, the second character I finished.  Again, a half breed (half dwarf and half fire elf) but this time accepted by her families, for the most part.  A temper that was hard to manage once brought forth.  She was small in stature but a powerhouse (while I’m not a powerhouse, I am small and have an awful temper).  She was the unlikely hero of the group and brought forth power when least expected.  Xyrygosa was also the one that led the group to their death because no one questioned us (the character and myself).  I learned, through her, that I had the ability to persuade people if I was confident in my actions.

Ruslan, my third and most recent character to finish.  A human reaching the age in life where adventuring is not much of an option (the ripe old age of 48).  A widower who raised a child and thought of nothing more than to see that his daughter had the best he could offer.  A wounded man, losing his arm in the same incident that took his wife.  While he was, technically, disabled he was still a captain in the city guard and trained new recruits.  He was the power of the group and the most grounded.  Ruslan was someone that I was becoming.  Family oriented, proud, and weary.

Now we’re starting a new game and I begin a new character.  I know this one and I have danced around this portion of my being before.  He (no name just yet) is manipulative.  While he care for others, he sees many of them as a means to an end.  Aloof.  He ridicules people.  He enjoys planting seeds of doubt in unsuspecting people.  He sees no problem in using those around him if it means he won’t have to dirty his hands.  This character is sadistic, hedonistic, and has little reason to deny such things.  He is the smallest portion of my personality, a portion that rarely ever crops up these days, but wants to be seen in some fashion.

I guess this is the place where he can do his thing and nothing ill will come of it.

At least in reality.

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7 thoughts on “Living Out Some Fantasies

  1. Karl Weller says:

    Any game, virtual or otherwise that helps you understand yourself better can only be a good thing. Don’t forget that Vin Diesel was a D&D fan? Not sure that’s relevant really, but I’ve said it now.

    • Djarfskald says:

      I love knowing that. The fact that Vin Diesel likes that and video games is awesome, and make me like him more. XD

      Then again, any big name person that likes “nerdy” things is always an interesting find.

  2. I wanted to get into D&D so bad some years ago. Trying to find players interested in a noob was a chore. I managed to construct a group of mostly noobs and one charitable experienced guy but that didn’t last very long. 😦

    • Djarfskald says:

      I think if it wasn’t for Grendal I would never have gotten into D&D. I was just too timid when it came to approaching people about things. We’ve switched groups many times for many reasons, which is a pain. It is hard, noob or not, to find a good group.

      • I actually found my husband while searching for people into online RPGs who might help me find an in. Unfortunately, I met him at the tail end of his fun gamer days. He’s a lawyer now and no fun at all. Haha. I’m jealous of your luck. :p

  3. Tara says:

    I am in my late 30s and played my very first game of Dungeons and Dragons last weekend. Of course I had to come home and purchase the starter kit from Amazon and new dice for myself. My son, who played for the first time with me and my group of friends, also ordered the 5th edition handbook. I definitely want to play again.

    I had a head injury a couple years ago and get vertigo really bad from video games, so at least with D&D I can still play something. Tabletop games are my new obsession.

    I am also working on prepping for NaNoWriMo and I did find that even that one experience helped with my character creation and I really wish I would have played years ago.

  4. […] we’ve begun gaming and I am playing the character I had mentioned in a previous post.  It’s been two sessions and I only barely got a feel for him.  Then, out of the blue, […]

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