When in Doubt

I seriously just spent ten minutes trying to find a spongebob gif to finish this quote but couldn’t find it due to Pinky and the Brain and My Little Pony.  What the heck.

Anyway, quick blurb!  I have been meaning to write a proper post but I need to get things figured out in my head before I get it down.

So! The other day Grendal and I decided to do some spell/craft/magic stuff together.  It is honestly the first time I’ve done anything with anyone in YEARS.  I don’t want to go into the specifics of the work but I wanted to mention the interesting thing that happened.

It was set up where Grendal was focusing his energy at me so I could channel our combined energy into our working.  We’re sitting at the kitchen table, eyes closed.  I’m doing my thing and I’m nearly done.  I open my eyes.  Across from where I sit is a set of windows that look out into our front yard.  We had a curtain open to let some light in since it was a sunny afternoon.  To my surprise there was a crow in the yard.  In plain view of my seat.  I was floored.

Crows, for what ever reason, don’t really bother with the neighborhood we’re in.  We can hear them blocks away, maybe see them flying off among the trees in the direction but they rarely, if at all, come along our block.  Let alone hang out in our yard.  Yet, one was there.  Bobbing around in the grass.  I quietly got Grendal’s attention.  He peeked out the window and then looked at me with wide eyes.

We took it as a positive sign.

Here’s to hoping our little magical working, well, works.

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Slowly but Surely

Things are getting better. For a while nothing good not bad seemed to be happening in my circle of being. Just the same ol’ routine.  Then the bad things rolled in:

My older sister and brother-in-law filed for divorce, a friend is in the same boat with his wife, Divo joined me at my workplace only to quit due to poor management, I was in line to be trained as a manager but was passed over, my grandfather passed away, and a friend moved in and has been without a job for over a month.  We’ve been stressed due to that.

It changed this past week. I had put in an application a month ago at a rehabilitation center to work in their kitchen. I pretty much forgot about it until I received a call about setting up an interview. I accepted it. The chance to eventually leave my current place of employment was nice. The job, while it paid more, was part time. I took the interview anyway.

On the way to the rehab center a van was following me. I was a little nervous but that’s how I am. I turned, they didn’t. I glanced in the mirror and saw a flash of an image. A man with long hair, a large aged hat to hide a portion of his face, and a staff in one hand.

All I could think of was Odin I took it as a good omen. The interview went well and I placed an offering on the later in thanks and in hopes things would go my way.

I got the job.

I start this afternoon.

Maybe, just maybe, we can breath a little easier.

Witches of November and Haunting Dreams

So the past few days here in the Midwest have been windy and chilly. Not to mention we had sudden rain and some amazing lighting. A little out of season and worrisome but beautiful nonetheless. Though, as I heard, not too strange. I mean, common enough to have an interesting name:

Witch of November.

Sounds rather cool to me.

The night before the winds whipped through the state I had an odd dream. If you remember my mentioning I rarely dream, so this was another big thing! In the dream I was getting ready for someone’s arrival. I was giddy and nervous. I was doing things only reserved for special events. Then I woke up.

Now I told Grendal about it and he seemed curious. I told him it may have something to do with Odin. The last dream I had was Odin telling me he would return. Months later not only does this dream happen, the heavy winds showed up on a Wednesday, and we had a large number of crows in the neighborhood just hanging out in the trees near our property. The crows themselves were odd because they were completly absent from the neighborhood during the summer.

I don’t know what’s happening or going to happen, but someone is on their way.

It’s (nearly) That Time Again

The time for so many things!

In about a week Grendal and I are taking my nieces for their, and our, yearly renfair outing! My oldest niece is reusing a Halloween costume due to the fact that we are going during the fair’s ‘Steampunk Invasion”. She’ll fit right in. My youngest niece is still not sure on what she will be, but seems to be leaning towards a woodland archer. Grendal and I are doing Viking and Scottish costumes, and still have to fine tune things. Either way it’s going to be fun. We get the kids the night before and I will show them either Dark Crystal or Labyrinth for the first time. Y’know, to set the fantasy mood for the next day.

The trip looks like it might begin to take on a new reason as well. My oldest niece has been having some issues. The younger one too but the eldest had begun some self harm and has some bouts of depression, to the point where she yelled at her mother claiming that I was her birth mother and she was only raising her(not true). Honestly, it isn’t too surprising that she has these issues. I suffer from depression as does my mother and my brother-in-law placed himself in the psych ward at a hospital so he could get help with his bipolar issues(I honestly don’t know the extent and it isn’t something I want to bring up). So, I feel like this moment can be the time that I can reassure my niece and tell her that I know the pain and problems. She and I are more alike than anyone thought was going to happen. If one could have nieces act more like their own children, then that is what’s happening. Even the youngest has some of my tendencies.

On to lighter things!

The seasons are close to changing. I am hearing cicadas, the weather is slowly getting less humid, and the mornings are darker. While we weren’t able to do as much as we wanted to the house this year, we have fine tuned our plans and ideas. We are crossing our fingers that our tax return is better than last year, giving us the ability to get our deck made and Grendal’s forge going.

I may have said it before but fall through early spring I feel more alive and active. Grendal and the dogs are the same. We can’t wait for chilly evenings and I want to see if our property’s lone tree changes color.

I am also crossing ky fingers that I can scrounge up a little extra money to dress my altar up for the fall season. Apples for Idunn and something to celebrate the harvest season, especially now that Grendal has more of a connection with that aspect of fall. I know we will be decorating for Halloween, so I need to sit down and.figure something out for Hel. I haven’t worked with her but I want to do something for her and, in a small way, Baldr. I don’t know if people do that, but it seems to be fitting for some reason. No one has corrected me yet.

Loki, Can You Hear Me?

Because I hear you.

I have never had an issue with Loki. I acknowledge him, love his followers, and have placed drinks on the altar for both Loki and Odin. There had been no communication between myself and Loki.

Emphasis on had.

A few weeks ago I had this tug/sensation of a want for one of Grendal’s oatmeal cake cookies. So I grabbed one and placed it on the altar as an offering. It took a few days before I gave the reason to Grendal and he was interested in the reason.

One day I heard a whistling and a laugh and thought it had been Grendal in another part of the house, though it had come from the direction of the altar. It wasn’t Grendal and I was a little weirded out.

Over the next few days to weeks there would be strange little things occurring. Little things that leaned towards Loki’s presence in my life. The strangest one was playing Destiny, an FPS game by the makers of the Halo series(for those who don’t know the game). Grendal and I were camping out in an area waiting for a specific enemy when two other players showed up. One with the name Loki or RedLoki, something like that. This player followed me around for a good 10 minutes, jumping how I jumped, running after me, helping me take down a few enemies, and dancing around me. It weirded me out because of the person’s persistence. Grendal watched this and tried to get their attention away from me but it didn’t work.  Eventually we left but it stuck with me.

It culminated when Grendal and I went to the Field museum in Chicago to see their temporary Viking exhibit. In the middle of the display of blacksmithing was a stone item with Loki’s face chiseled into it. It struck a chord with me that I wasn’t expecting.

I hear you, Loki. I promise I’ll pay attention.

Phoning In

I have never had a clear connection with deities or beings of that nature. Sure, I get faint tugs and faint impressions every now and again but nothing that screams “Hey, deity x wants this”.

Until last night. Now it took me nearly all day to figure it out but when it hit me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I had a dream that included Timothy Omundson. Now it didn’t seem too strange particularly because we have been watching Psych for the past month or so. What was weird, though, was it was bearded Timothy and older than his Psych persona.

Now why it was strange, besides the obvious, was the fact that I made a mental note that the way he looks was how I envisioned Odin would be if he appeared today. Or, y’know, if I had control over casting choices of American Gods.

I mean look at that! Mr. Wednesday. Hello!

Back on track. In the dream Timothy was in the house looking around. Getting ready for something. Then he was leaving, telling me he would be back soon/later. I was excited and tried to distract myself in the dream. I remember getting annoyed with people because I was waiting for Him to return.

That was pretty much it.

Wonder what the heck is going to happen.

When I Was Young

Are you sensing a theme here? Last one for a while, I swear.

I mentioned in my previous post about roughly when I began to wander down the Pagan path but, to be honest, it started earlier than middle school.

Religion wasn’t really part of our lifestyle when I was growing up. I vaguely remember my older sister going to a bible study group and there being a Precious Moments bible with her name in it. When ever we visited my grandparents (before we moved up here) for Christmas we would go to the midnight service and sing.

On the other hand my mother told me about a few practices still held in Hawai’i. Offerings were and are still given to Pele. Fish were cleansed with blocks of salt so nothing would steal away with it to your home while the fishermen still asked Kanaloa, the Sea God, for permission to fish.  It had struck me as strange that a large catholic community was paying homage to old gods.  Ones deemed unreal by the prominent faith.

Yet it the idea of multiple gods wasn’t strange to me.  Even at a young age I didn’t believe that one being could take care of everything and answer everyone.  I went to a few churches through my friends.  I loved the singing, didn’t like sunday school, and thought the church with the potluck lunch was amazing(I still think church food is the best food).  The biblical stories never resonated with me.  I didn’t gravitate to them.  I knew them, though.  I knew of the Flood.  I knew of the Jews and their Moses.  Jesus and his doings.  After that, not much else.  It all seemed so dry.  The Old Testament was more interesting than the New Testament.  I read through my mother’s old catholic bible.

I gravitated to the Greek/Roman mythologies.  While being Hawai’ian and having a mother who still partially believed in the Gods of the islands, she never told me their stories.  I would have loved them when I was younger.  I devoured the stories left over from the old times.  I knew the gods names and who correlated with who when you compared the Greeks and the Romans.  Hercules was my favorite television show for a while because I knew the characters.

But those gods never spoke to me.  I did try to connect with them.  I may have tried to force it, but you can’t really force a god to do something they don’t want.

I tried connecting with God’s. Different ones. Hawai’ian deities, Greek gods, Japanese gods, and Celtic ones. I spoke to the faeries and spirits. They answered but the gods were always quiet. I tried speaking through meditation and tarot but nothing happened.

Grendal is the one I can thank for bringing me close to the Norse gods. He has ways had an affinity towards Thor. Hindsight is always 50/50. Looking back on it I should have known that they were close. Things were shifting. I was seeing more. The Norse gods found me.

I thought I could pick who was my main deity to work with. I read about the gods and couldn’t wait to choose. Odin made it clear that I was to contact him first. Slowly I felt Loki, dancing at the edge of it all. Things go missing or misplaced for an hour. Thor is there, peripherally, with Grendal. I have sensed Frigga as well as Frey and Freya. Then Skadi came to me, in the midst of last year’s frigid northern winter. Bow making and hunting has become a widely talked about subject.

I am sad that the Hawai’ian deities didn’t take an interest in me but my father’s side had been ignored for so long. Leave it to the black sheep to be the one They reach out to.

Yet, I was waiting.