It’s Not a Phase, Mom


Everyone goes through some phase or another.  I know I have.  The longest running one was my obsession with Phantom of the Opera that sprang into existence when I was in second grade.  I was going to see a stage production of Heidi with a school friend.  Her father was taking us.  I think they really liked theater and I remember he was playing a recording of the Phantom of the Opera.  Like, someone had sat in the audience and recorded it sort of thing.  I was enthralled with the music.  He told me little bits about it and I remember he mentioned that the actual opera house had a lake beneath it, AND that the theater we were going to had a river beneath it.  Looking back on that now, I don’t know if THAT was true but let me tell you, it sent my imagination spinning.

Needless to say, I begged for a tape of the Phantom of the Opera when I got home and I received it.  So since roughly 1991 I have been obssessed with anything Phantom of the Opera. I have different recordings, saw the Weber musical, read the original novel, read and watched the HORRID sequeals, love Susan Kay’s version, I know the entire script by heart, etc etc.  My prized possessions are music boxes from the San Francisco Music Box company.  Every year from middle school I would get one for christmas.  I treasure them still.  Hell, I LITERALLY just looked at their site and they have them still.

I’m no longer a HUGE fan of it.  I mean I like it and will watch it every so often….

But that isn’t the point of this post.

Way to go me for rambling so damn much.

Anyway, PHASES!  We have them.  I have them.  They go in some odd cycles (PotO may come back to me at some point).  The one that bothers me and I don’t know if I ever touched on is my spirituality.

My beliefs never go away but my wont to practice is VERY lackluster.  Want to know a sure fire way to kick my but into gear and get me actively practicing again?  Show me pictures of altars, documentaries that talk about these practices, or movies.  Hell!  Watching The Craft is a sure as shit way to get me doing SOMETHING.

Speaking of documentaries, I ended falling down the rabbit hole known as youtube and watched a few things from VICE/Broadly about different people and their practices.  I enjoyed them to a certain extent and, wouldn’t you know, I have that itch to get things spruced up around here and get back to practicing a little more actively.  I was already getting that tingle thanks to the season change but these videos just sent me over the edge much sooner.




It was specifically that last one.  I am always fascinated and in awe of the people have gone back to “ancient” practices and brought them to the modern day.  It just strikes a cord with me, no matter which pantheon.

There is something else that has always put a damper on my practicing.  I’ll cover that, though it will be in another post.  My ramblings about Phantom of the Opera has made this post seem a little over full.

I’m a dork.

And given the chance to ramble on about Phantom of the Opera, I can, will, and have gone on for hours.





So much of it. Of the sexual kind. Not me! I am fine, thank you, even though you probably didn’t need nor want to know that.

The other night I decided, finally, to sit down and watch The King and I for thw billionth time. I remember watching it as a child, one of the fond memories I have of time with my mother. It was something that was always on around the holidays and we would watch it whenever TMC had it on. My mother and I would laugh at the King’s “Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera”, we loved the play that the characters put on, and I would be singing ‘Getting to Know You’ and ‘Shall We Dance’ for days. Hell, the songs are still in my head! What is awesome is the fact that Grendal enjoys the movie, though not to the same degree as myself. I have heard him humming some of the songs and he has quoted the King before. Always gets a smile out of me.

As a kid I always knew that Anna and the King liked each other. It was never hidden. Watching it this time around I was suddenly fully aware of the look that the King was giving Anna during ‘Shall We Dance’. In the back of my head I was wondering why I had never noticed it before.

It got me thinking about other movies and such, and sexual tension. Mainly in my childhood/life in general.

Phantom of the Opera was a big one for me. Thats also an obvious one for anyone who has seen a performance or listened to the soundtracks. It was my first musical and, at the young age of a second grader(what is that, 7?), I was in awe of, what I thought was, the romance between The Phantom and Christine. I qucikly got my hands on anything and everything related to the Phantom of the Opera. I devoured the original novel, I remember balling my eyes out because I couldn’t watch Claude Rains’ Phantom movie(didn’t do my homework), and I was given tape after tape, CD after Cd(I wore that shit out) of the soundtrack. To this day I know every song and every breath in those songs. I was rather upset to learn that there were other musicals based on the same story and I hadn’t heard nor seen them.

Back on track! SEXUAL TENSION! It wasn’t until I found a list of Phantom of the Opera inspired books. I stumbled upon Susan Kay’s novel and I was in love. I took that book out so often at the library and was excited when I found a nice hardcover copy on EBay. That novel doesn’t skimp on the tension and made you aware that the Phantom was a killer(which many fans and fanfic writers seem to forget). I loved and felt a little shy about reading parts of it. There was nothing explicit but my 14 year old imagination was all a flutter.

Jane Eyre was another book and movie like that for me. Many moments of me trying to will the charactera to just admit their feelings and kiss. The torment of it all, though, was worth it in the end.

There are tons of others that I have stumbled upon over the ages and it seems like something I rather enjoy. Watching these characters interact and seeing something between them. Whether or not they become an item in the end doesn’t change things for me. I enjoy the tension. I do prefer these things in a visual form mainly to see the actors and actresses perform these bits. How a certain look and a specific moment can change the feeling of a scene is amazing. Whether it’s just the stance of a body, the way they smooth their hair, or even the way the walk towards the other. It’s amazing. Even the way a line is delivered can change it.

Its funny, now that I think about it. Everything that is running through my mind, none of it enters the realm of erotica. Like I have said before, I read and enjoy that stuff. More than likely I prefer the non-erotica stories because its a little something extra. I mean, I perk up instantly and I’m thinking, ‘what is this? Am I making this up?’

I’m looking at you Hannibal.

See what I mean?